It's been a while.

Why? Because of my addiction to Tumblr.
I'm completely obsessed with it, but I never really share my thoughts and express my feelings and daily occurings like I used to do here. I guess I miss it, oh - and the only reason I'm really here is because Tumblr is down.

I guess I have a lot on my mind right now. I feel like I'm failing at school, and I need to try harder - I know I do. I just can't seem to get into it. To actually sitting down and studying properly. I hate myself for that, that I have no motivation or anything. I need to do well enough to get into university at the end of this year. I have to, I know that.

I have a lot happening at the end of the year.

October is filled with the beginning of the HSC (Final exams) and carries through to November.

Mid-end of November is my Year 12 senior FORMAL! Now I'm excited for that.

And then there's Schoolies at the end of November through to the beginning of December, which is like this annual thing that occurs in November for a week where graduated students holiday with their friends. My friends and I (16 of us, actually) are going up the state to Foster, and renting out this 4.5 star hotel! And it's actually pretty cheap at $300. I'm looking forward to relaxing with my friends.

December 21st brings my 18th birthday, which is a big thing here in Australia - not sure about the rest of the world.

So there's a lot happening, and then there's university, and a whole world out there to explore.

Excitement. Nerves. Fear. Expectation. Wonder.

Experiencing all that right now.

The people killer.

Insecurities. They're evil. They're inevitable. They're painful.

A feeling of general unease where you perceive yourself to be unloved, inadequate and worthless. You have no faith in yourself, who you are and who you could be. You constantly pick at every single "flaw" about yourself. You feel alone. You feel pointless. You feel ugly. Constant cyclical thoughts run in your head, over and over and over again. I'm not pretty enough. Why can't I be smart enough? I'm just not talented enough. I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

What we don't seem to realize, and this is the media's fault for putting such a high standard when it comes to women and people in general, is that nobody is perfect. Life sucks that way. We just don't see the good stuff in life because we're so focused on fixing the bad stuff, or complaining about the bad stuff.

We don't realize we're meant to be imperfect. We're meant to find someone who loves us unconditionally, who can love our flaws and accept us for who we are. We're meant to be put down, and feel self conscious and hate ourselves. But we're also meant to have faith in the unknown, faith in the ones who love us, and most of all - faith in ourselves.

I want to say I appreciate my amazing family. I appreciate my friends, who get me through. And I appreciate myself, for putting up with shit and pushing through.

God doesn't give you people you want.
Instead, he gives you people you need.
To teach you.
To hurt you.
To love you.
And to make you the person you were meant to be.

prettyful.

You should visit.

My TUMBLR blog!

It's a lot easier than Blogger, and has many functions. Although complex in the beginning, and sometimes a little messy, I really enjoy the simplicity of going 'Hey I feel like posting a quote.. Click quote!' and 'it's time to share some music with the world' And you simply press the button.

I love it, a lot. I'm keeping Blogger, too. Just wanted to share this.

Peyton Sawyer's wise words.

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one.

maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed
maybe they're supposed to run wild
until they find someone just as wild to run with

good girls are just bad girls
who don't get caught